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Question of the Week

My mother passed away three months ago. I still can't come to terms with not seeing her every day. We were so close. I know you can't bring her back, but I am struggling with the finality of it all. How do I cope with that? 

Answer

No one can take the pain away when you lose a loved one. Nothing can replace your mother. And things will never be the same. 

And yet, with some effort, you can develop a perspective that makes the pain more bearable, and the grief a little less sharp.

Think about this.

When we love someone deeply, it is not their physical body that we love. It is their spirit. Our bond is with the intangible, invisible presence that rests inside of them. Our connection is not with the flesh and blood, but rather with the person they are, the love we share, and the way they make us feel.

None of this can die. The body is mortal. The spirit lives on. Your mother is no longer here in the concrete sense, but her presence, her love and her soul is very much with you. 

This doesn't take away the pain. We are only human and we live in the physical world. You can't see your mum or feel her touch, and that is hard. But in moments of higher spiritual sensitivity, when you feel a little more connected to your own soul, you will catch a glimpse of hers.

This is why we turn to our faith when we experience loss. Adding another mitzvah, saying another prayer, lighting another candle aligns us with our spiritual side, and helps us keep the lines of connection open with souls on the other side. 

Your connection with your mother is very much alive. You can't have her chicken soup, but you still have the love it came with. You can't ask her for advice, but you can hear her wisdom echoing in your mind. Even if you can't feel her hug, you are still in her embrace. 

May G-d give you the strength to continue to make your mother proud, until the day when are all reunited with our loved ones, with the coming of Moshiach. May it happen soon. 

Good Shabbos,
Rabbi Moss

Source:
The Rebbe, Sichos Kodesh 5733 Volume II p.30-32

Haftorah Kedoshim (Ezekiel 22:1-16)

This haftarah is read rarely, only when Acharei and Kedoshim are separate and Acharei is not Shabbat haGadol.¹

While we avoid it whenever possible, this year (5784 / 2024) most Ashkenazim will read the actual Haftarah for Kedoshim: Yechezkel Ch. 22, "Inform the bloody city of all its abominations!"  The last time it was read was (5757 / 1997); after this year, the haftarah will be read again in the year (5801 / 2041).²

In the Haftarah, Ezekiel chastises his people in one of the sharpest denunciations in all of scripture. The Holy City’s people had become cruel, unfeeling, and animalized. They had fallen from the holiness of the beginning of Kedoshim to the horrors of its end. Jerusalem could have been great, but the people had degraded it. Because the Evil Inclination had triumphed, the Land was about to vomit out its Jews in the time of Ezekiel as it had vomited out its Canaanites in the time of Joshua. ³

The haftarah tells us of Ezekiel being told to “judge” Jerusalem, telling her of her various failings in the time just before her destruction. (Some commentators translate this as rebuke.) Hashem hints that doing so will be no easy task. 

The task for Ezekiel was harder than to recite Jerusalem’s sins; it was to find a way to judge the city, to get the city (and its inhabitants) to comprehend, to accept, to recognize, the enormity of their perfidy.

Rashi notes that the twenty-four sins mentioned in these sixteen verses match the ones that God warned us about in the Torah reading. At the beginning of the Torah reading the verse has Hashem telling Moses to speak to the entirety of the Jewish people, because this part of the Torah was read at the ceremony known as Hakhel.  Celebrated once every seven years, on the Sukkot following a shemittah year, the ritual involved gathering as many Jews as possible and reading the Torah together.  Rashi explains that Kedoshim was selected for that occasion because the Torah’s central principles are mentioned in it.

Ezekiel’s list thus tells us that the Jews’ disobedience went beyond the ordinary wrong of not listening to Hashem.  They had managed to cast aside the bulk of Torah; exactly that list of sins Hashem designated as the ones Jews most needed to be reminded of at national gatherings, was what the people had chosen to violate.

We can note that the Jews had rejected the majority of the body of Torah and still wonder whether one of them in particular spurred Divine retribution.

Radak notes that murder is central here. He points out that Ezekiel is told to address the “city of blood,” and that verse 3 says that it was murder that caused the city’s time to end. In addition, Ezekiel mentions murder in seven of the fifteen substantive verses in the prophecy.¹

Rabbi Akiva stated that the most basic principle of Torah was וְאָֽהַבְתָּ֥ לְרֵעֲךָ֖ כָּמ֑וֹךָ (Love your fellow as yourself). The impetus to hate secretly must be conquered.⁴ It was z`py mpg (baseless hatred) that led to the exile.

The Haftarah closes with a ray of hope. In its Land, Israel had refused to know its Maker; but in the throes of exile, it would. When that happens – may it be soon in our days – we will again be worthy of Hashem’s Torah, His Land, and His Holy City. ³ 

1. Rabbi Dr. Gidon Rothstein on Haftarah, Unflinching Looks Are Not So Easy to Take
2. Mi Yodeya, “Riot Act” Haftorah for Kedoshim
3. Artscroll Chumash, Haftaras Kedoshim
4. Rabbi David Fohrman, Leviticus: Kedoshim